Heartbreaking Decision

I am sorry to hear your news and indeed there is no easy decision to be made. A friend of ours used to be in a similar position for several years (not a caravanner though). He and his wife would go away for a couple of two weeks holidays and a couple of long weekends each year. They used their mothers capital to pay for that care and for what effectively amounted to 5 weeks round the clock care in their home the cost was about £5,000. Indeed they felt that they needed that respite. 

I would find the situation very difficult

Very hard for you indeed.  I used to work in respite care and the agency I worked for sent us on Three week assignments which might be an option for you.  You will need to look after yourselves as well you know it is very important to have some breaks.  Maybe your surgery would know someone suitable.   I can't find my agency but there are plenty out there.  For example www.rightathome.co.uk 

PS.  Last year I offered to have my brother move in to care for him and when thinking about it I was determined to find respite care as well for my own sanity and health.  He hasn't taken me up on the offer ... Yet.

Even with your commendable commitment to your parent, you will need a break and I too would counsel arranging a couple of periods of respite care to give you time to recharge your batteries.

I have been fortunate in that much of the 'caring' type activities for me have largely involved practical help rather than full time. I cared for my wife full time whilst also working full time from home for 9 months and looking after our 13 year old daughter. I was 40 then and so fitter and more able. Physically and emotionally draining although you only realise in such a situation afterwards and yes I would do it again gladly. Having a parent to care for can causes stresses for the couple doing so and a lot depends on the relationship of both with the parent.

I had my father living with us for 9 months purely because due to health issues and surgery he needed 'building up' or would have gone downhill fast. In his case however after 9 months he was able to return to his own home and I would walk his dog and do his shopping. We were then able to return to holidaying in the caravan on 1 week trips and I would simply ensure that he would be well stocked up and take his beloved dog on holiday with us. There was not a great emotional bond between us and for him to have lived with us would have been very hard due to his personality. 

If it had been my wife's mother or my mother it would have been far easier as my wife and I loved them dearly. 

As hard as it is to do so I would counsel that the relationship of both you and your wife with your mother should be considered carefully before deciding on the course of action with regard to full time care.

Good advice. With your van you can gradually prepare for a break no added stress of booking unknown hotels etc.

I wish you all the best but suggest no decisions at this stage, see how things pan out.  Who knows what the holds?   Act in haste repent at leisure.

Sorry  for brevity using Kindle and this site eats its words   as I type but wanted to reply     

Thank you very much for the link. This is definitely worth considering. I'm not sure how my mother would take to it though as she doesn't like strangers. I remember she hated social workers regularly visiting after coming out of hospital about five years ago after breaking a hip.

Do you have a site close by that you put the van on as a seasonal pitch, not necessarily CC (sorry CMC)? You'll need a break at some point. My FIL felt the same way about carers coming in, didn't want them etc. but eventually he came around to thecae when he saw the stress that not having them was putting on his wife, daughter and myself as carers. He even went into a home for a week on occasions so that we could take the MIL away with us, so you never know attitudes might change and you'll want the sanctity of your van.

Good luck.

 You have to consider the well being of both yourself and your wife CC as well as your mother. Hopefully your mother might be appreciative and see the need for you both to have some occasional respite.

As others have said hang on to your van and try to have some breaks. My Mum needed residential care, it wasn't a case of "putting her into home" she had decided this for herself much earlier on and she has always been independently minded. If you need a break many residential care homes offer respite care so see if there are any near you and have a look at what's available. You also can find respite carers who will live in when needed so that's another alternative, your Mum might even enjoy their company!

You will need a break, and you will need to look after yourself  not just your Mum. 

Hope things work out well for all of you.