Awnings - are they really a Divorce in a Bag?

A Divorce in a Bag

This description can be applied to any awning from any manufacturer.

Unpacking is always the moment of truth….was it thoroughly dry when it was packed up after the last use… if not the smell of mildew will invade your nostrils ….the first opportunity to start the recriminations

If like us you only use the full size awning for the 2 week main summer holiday outing, then the grey cells can take a while to remember the ‘how to erect’ procedure.

We get all the poles out of their separate stowage bag and lay them out in roughly the correct area alongside the caravan for ease of use later. It is at this stage of the process when you find out that you may have left one of the smaller poles which hold the canopysection at the last location you used it; another opportunity for recriminations

Then the main section of the awning is moved to the front end of the caravan for the amusing awning channel feeding part of the process.   We found out the hard way that without the copious application of awning rail lubricant both into the rail and also on the beading; the awning will not budge when it has been inserted more than half a metre (18 inches in old money). Where is the awning rail lubricant…I thought you had packed it….more recriminations

When you have huffed and puffed and cursed and bleeped a bit at each other and the awning is now inserted fully into the channel on the caravan, then the real fun begins….How does the weather know that now is the time for a few friendly gusts of wind with the addition of a spot or two of rain to assist you (or otherwise) with the process? I told you that we should /should not have waited….more recriminations

When assembling the framework do you start at one corner or do you start in the middle and work out to either side….how did we do it last time…can’t remember that was 12 months ago yet more cursing and bleeping!!!  It was so much easier when the smalls came along with us and were able to hold a section or was it?

Finally it is all together and you have installed all the side panels…you did remember to bring them didn’t you?

Now it is time to start the pegging out process did you put the peg bag in the car or caravan…no I thought that you had done that!!!!  What about the lump hammer, wooden mallet rubber mallet and claw hammer that we always bring….oh dear looks like they got left behind too?

Can you keep the side panels closed while I’m trying to peg the awning down if you have to keep opening the damn thing I will never get it done and it’s started raining again ggggrrrrrrrr

So if you’ve got this far and still everything has gone swimmingly there is still chance for things to go wrong….Did you remember the awning skirt and that little length of figure of 8 plastic strip to fix it to the wheel arch cover…you didn’t forget either of those bits too did you?

Time to sit down and have cup of tea or perhaps something stronger still after getting it all set up and having remembered the important things like the curtains....you’re sure you left them by the back door so why didn’t you put them in the car or caravan then?

If you’re still talking at this point, congratulations….if however all communication is via a 3^rd party along the lines of …..tell your mum……tell your dad…..or worse still via solicitors letters then you may be able to guess that the relaxing break you had looked forward to is perhaps not going according to plan.

All is not lost though the best is still to come…there is the fun of taking it down....when to do so....night before departure, afternoon before departure, morning of departure....will it be dry.... will it start raining will the wind pick up and press the awning so tightly to the side of the caravan that you cannot move it to slide it back out of the awning channel and the step you needed to help you is stuck inside the caravan…whose brilliant idea was it to put it there when we need it outside?

Where is the handbrush we need to sweep the leaves and bird presents off the roof panel…oh that’s inside the caravan too….ok

Then you have the joy of trying to remember how to fold it up and get it into a shape which vaguely resembles the dimensions of the storage bag.

Always try to remember to take all the pegs out of the ground particularly the rock pegs that look like huge nails with a little cross bar welded on….they can make a right mess of your caravan tyres if you drive off over one.

Check all round that no important little lengths of awning pole are lying in the grass you know you don’t want to go through all that arguing again next time you come to use it do you 

If I had a Tenner for every time we have left some part of the awning at home or on site before coming home I would probably be able to retire now....